Big Girls Don't Cry
by McGonagall's Bola
Summary: In 1975, she was still too young... to fully get it. -REWRITTEN!


The lyrics used in this piece of fan-fiction, are from _Big Girls Don't Cry. _I don't own anything; it belongs to Fergie.

* * *

_The smell of your skin lingers on me now  
You're probably on your flight back to your home town  
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby  
To be with myself in center, clarity  
Peace, serenity_

The four-year-old was standing upright in her playpen, one small hand holding onto the wooden bars so tight her little knuckles were gradually turning white – in her playpen, right where her daddy had left her. She wasn't crying, because she was still too young to understand; to understand the reason why Duke had been smelling of vodka, and goodness knows what else of alcoholic drinks he had been slaking...

Little Calleigh gently grasped her old chenille bear tight. She was still having this very strange feeling she would never see her father ever again, which she had already been having since the moment he had picked her up to say bye. This 'see you soon' had been so different from all others in the past, when he would come and say good morning to her, and give her a bear hug, before leaving to the office even before the sun was fully up. When he would come back before it went down again, shining a last glorious, reddish orange gleam upon the world before the day faded out and stood aside for the night, preceding a whole new day.

The small toddler couldn't quite explain why, but this farewell had sounded so creepily... definite. She hadn't understood the words he had told her before he left, turning off the lights as he did so. She couldn't remember anything of it anymore.

_I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightening out to do_

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry_

Calleigh's otherwise twinkling green eyes searched around her wearily, looking for her warm pale blue polar fleecy blanket. Calleigh's legs gave out under her and she ended up flopping onto her buttocks, on the small mattress, with Bear still tightly clutched in her arms, as she wondered where her warm fleecy cloth could be. 'I want my blanket!' she thought, as tears started to appear on the edges of her eyes.

_Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry_

Daddy had told her not to cry, though. So she quickly squeezed her green depths shut, holding onto Bear instead. She was going to prove that she really was a big girl. And big girls don't cry.

_The path that I'm walking  
I must go alone  
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay_

Duke looked out of the little airplane window on his immediate right, but the only thing he would clearly see and separate from the fogginess and fags were a bunch of white clouds. He sighed, thinking about his innocent, little lamb-chop. She didn't have anything to do with this all, and yet she would be one of the biggest victims. She and her three younger brothers.

Calleigh was such a daddy's girl... Duke smiled at the thought of his daughter… that too cheerful smile always lying on her too cute face no matter what.

She had been planned and wanted, so wanted... And he loved her so much. She had been beautiful from the day she was born, just like her mother. He just hadn't been ready to become a father yet, although he had the age well suiting the fatherhood. He wasn't ready to give up his freedom, no matter how much he actually loved his family, his daughter, his sons... He just wasn't ready to give up his free spirited life and take care of them. He could hardly take care of himself without getting in any kind of trouble. And Abigail and he... well, the two of them honestly weren't a match made in Heaven. The two of them were just too different from each other, because of the choices they made in their adult life...

And yet maybe him leaving was for the better for all of them, because there would follow innumerable more fights if he stayed. He knew.

_I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightening out to do_

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry_

He couldn't get his daughter's big sad eyes out of his mind, though. "Daddy, where are you going?" he still heard her squeaky soft voice.

_Like the little school mate in the school yard  
We'll play jacks and Uno cards  
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my  
Valentine_

_Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to  
'Cause I want to hold yours too  
We'll be playmates and lovers  
And share our secret worlds_

_But it's time for me to go home  
It's getting late, dark outside  
I need to be with myself in center, clarity  
Peace, serenity_

It had been days since Duke had left now. His daughter was still kind of hoping for him to come back, though, although she knew he wouldn't. The sun had already gone under for a couple of times without him returning. And daddy always came home before the sun went down, and before night set in. It, however, had already been a few nights without him, and she was starting to give up hope...

"Cal?"

She suddenly heard her name being called and looked up to see Jared staring at her with a pouting glance. "Don't you want to play with me anymore?" he asked, nodding towards the red ball lying at her small feet, dangling a few inches from the ground.

The blond haired girl allowed herself to slide off the bench and picked up the bright colored ball, then threw it back in her friend's direction as hard as she could. Jared smiled. She didn't, and turned around upon hearing someone else calling out her name. Young Calleigh bit down on her lower lip, said bye, and ran back to her mother.

_I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightening out to do_

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry_

Calleigh didn't cry. Her daddy had told her not to.

_Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry_


End file.
